Keeping in the boiling rage is the hardest part of the state I’m in.
This blinding hate and sadness that took over my mind
it’s like a vile beast waiting for a chance
a chance to breach my shell.
My discipline and quiet are rapidly fading.
Maintaining the illusion of my identity
is so heavy that it hurts every inch of my body and mind.
I am at the brink of sanity and still accelerating
to the other side
whatever might await me there.
I wish I was in another place
another time – and life.
But you who look at me and say you know me
you don’t see the mess that’s raging in my head.
My calm surface might crack here and there
but the eruption of my temper is directed to the inside.
Even if it was the fault of someone else
and I had all reason to share my mood with them
it’s simply not the way I am
and it’s not the way I want to be like.
I’m witholding everything in my core
handling my misery in silence
on my own and alone -
so in the end the only one who will suffer is me.

Emotions come and fade away
thoughtless wasting another day.
Hate and rage inside my head
lets me forget what my calm mind pled.
If only I could get back to a settled state
my shoulders would be relieved from this heavy weight.
Without such tensions I could be
thinking, acting – ulterior motive-free.
Locked within me in contends
until my thoughts are finally cleansed.
Guess there will be no place for me
until I found serenity.

Mend my soul and heal my heart
comfort me with your presence
Calm my insecurity with patience
watch my progress in recovery
see me trusting love again.
Then -
gently take away each single motion
take away my senses.
Watch tears slide down my cheeks
bring back the numbness to my head.
Tease me with my jealousy
feed the rage inside of me
awake the beast enclosed.
Club to death the hopes of mine
rip my heart to peaces and
tear my feelings apart.

darling stop confusing me
with your wishful thinking
hopeful enbraces
don’t you understand?
i have to go through this
i belong to here where
no-one cares and no-one loves
no light no air to live in
a place called hate
the city of fear
i play dead
it stops the hurting
i play dead
and the hurting stops

it’s sometimes just like sleeping
curling up inside my private tortures
i nestle into pain
hug suffering
caress every ache

i play dead
it stops the hurting
[...]

(Bjork – Play Dead)