Here I am in an awkward position
I only hope you will believe and understand me

I promised to you I would not betray you
but I needed to do the insane to refind my sanity

In my eyes it’s not betrayal
our relationship was betrayal to myself.

You would say it’s wrong
and if I listened to reason I had to agree.

But how can I say something is wrong -
If I don’t feel anything for anyone?
What if I can’t tell the difference?

It’s not right – I know as much
I lost my way and for that I hate myself.

I just tried to find the parts that I lost
to be whole again for you and you alone

Now I know the emptiness inside me
has got nothing to do with you.

And I wish I could undo the things that I’ve done
but without them I still wouldn’t know where I stand

My heart is empty
no sign of an end ahead.

If you must hate me for all this
then I lost you without intend.

I’m so sorry that this happened
to disappoint you wasn’t my intention
but if you go – I wish you best of luck

Though at least I can now look for reasons somewhere else -
if you still want me – that is.

To mend the wounds in this world
is why I’ve been called to this dark place.
Curing peoples hearts and souls
and restore their will to live
give them hope
and reason to go on.
To show them the beauty of live is my fate,
Being able to rescue you from your hell is my faith.
But if I am this healer
then why does it hurt so much.
Why is it that I can heal others
but not myself.

There is this doubt which I didn’t have before.
There are thoughts in my mind which lead to conclusions.
There are words you said finally making sense.
There is a lie lying between us.
There are promises broken by your temper.
There are lots of things you still don’t understand.
There are lots of things you just don’t know.
And there are many things you don’t care about -
But!
There is something you should know after all:
I still care about you.

[...]
Losing hope is easy
When your only friend is gone
And every time you look around
Well, it all, it all just seems to change
[...]

(Jack Johnson – Losing Hope)