A simple touch to crumble worlds
shaky fingers before the truth.
What if one contact could change everything?
The world around might shatter and dissolve,
leaving nothing behind that is known to mankind.
The fear of the unknown fills the mind,
is truth worth this sacrifice?
For all the bad that’s happening here,
good does prevail sometimes.
Could you break the world with a simple touch -
sacrifice the well known illusion?
Would you hesitate to stay in wonderland
or is there nothing you could lose?
Is it worth by any means
or would you draw back your fingers?

Zu warten auf Deine Rückkehr
so weit weg – Im Herzen nah.
Für immer bei mir – in Gedanken
schon in der Zukunft – Du wieder hier
Das Jetzt – es scheint so unwichtig, fern.
Nicht real – ein anderes Leben
Doch frage ich mich jeden Tag:
Wirst Du mir Erfüllung bringen?
So leer allein – sehnsüchtig ächzt dein Platz
in meiner Brust.
Am rechten Fleck das bist du erst
wenn ich nicht mehr nur ich – Du hier.
Zusammen für das übernächste Mal
denn bist Du hier – schon wieder dort.
Viel zu vage mein Gerüst
aus Gedanken – Hoffnung lebt.
Doch kannst erst Du Gewissheit bringen,
wenn du Gewissheit geben willst.
Ich warte auf Dich – ewig blüht der Herbst
Nie Frühling doch auch Winter nicht,
im Sommer meines Lebens.

A thought that struck me from behind
there is never nothing going on inside my mind.
There is not ever peace inside my head
a raging war that drives me mad.
The thoughts are crashing down on me
no escape – no way to flee.
All the memories I wish I did not keep
flowing through me even when I sleep.
I work, I rest, I dream
yearning so for satisfaction
disregarding any esteem
the ony constant is distraction.

There is nothing you can say to change my mind.
There is nothing you can do to make it right.

Now don’t tell me what I do is wrong
it took awhile to become this strong.
Don’t criticize every word I say
because You made me become this way.

There is nothing you can say to change my mind.
There is nothing you can do to make it right.

Between the friend that you once sought
and the person in your thought
lies the ugly truth of you
and it’s in every little thing you do.

There is nothing you can say to change my mind.
There is nothing you can do to make it right.

There is no way that you would show regret
it makes it even harder to forget
everything you give as dole
is an excuse to regale your soul.

Keeping in the boiling rage is the hardest part of the state I’m in.
This blinding hate and sadness that took over my mind
it’s like a vile beast waiting for a chance
a chance to breach my shell.
My discipline and quiet are rapidly fading.
Maintaining the illusion of my identity
is so heavy that it hurts every inch of my body and mind.
I am at the brink of sanity and still accelerating
to the other side
whatever might await me there.
I wish I was in another place
another time – and life.
But you who look at me and say you know me
you don’t see the mess that’s raging in my head.
My calm surface might crack here and there
but the eruption of my temper is directed to the inside.
Even if it was the fault of someone else
and I had all reason to share my mood with them
it’s simply not the way I am
and it’s not the way I want to be like.
I’m witholding everything in my core
handling my misery in silence
on my own and alone -
so in the end the only one who will suffer is me.

Nothing poetic this time. Just wanted to report something in the hope this might someday save someones sanity .

Currently I’m working on my bachelor thesis and since I think of myself as a expert this has to done in LaTeX. So I’ve been writing for a couple of days and everything seemed nice and easy. It all started when I tried to create a table. No matter what I did, the table didn’t care for page margins or anything. I searched for any possible solution and tried everything – nothing seemed to work. It also didn’t matter what tabular-environment I used (tried: tabularx, longtable, supertabular, tabular*, …)

So out of frustration (after three f*****g days) I started throwing out my \usepackages and suddenly it worked. I narrowed it down to the pdfsync package. Well now one might ask “Wait! What has pdfsync to do with tables” and I can’t give an answer to that – because there is no logical explanation if you’re not a TeX freak and understand the fundamentals. Anyway – remove \usepackage{pdfsync} from your document and you should be fine.

Oh yeah – before I forget, I’m using TeXLive – have to actually – because I work on Mac and Windows – try that with MiKTeX Editor is WinEdt – and Syncing with SumatraPDF-Viewer works even after removing the pdfsync package – now isn’t that irony?

Hope this helps

Für Melanie – Ich liebe Dich!

Beautiful rose
the time of your bloom
has reached its crown.
Before soon
the grasp of decay
will reach for you.
Already the petals of your blossom
are abandoning their glorious colors.
Life is fading
from your radiant sight.
Corruption claims
the shining tint.
My flower is wilting
withering away to dust.
Your leaves are rotting slowly
From the tip of each leaf
to the stem, to the roots -
greedily, corroding your delicate features.
In this time my beauty
count on me to water your roots
let me be the soil for your existence.
Because to see you in bright shape again
and to heal you is my wish.
So I yearn to revive
the prime of your life.

“Man sieht nur mit dem Herzen gut. Das Wesentliche ist für die Augen unsichtbar” (Der kleine Prinz / Le petit Prince, Antoine de Saint-Exupéry)

You left in tears
and I don’t know
when I will see you again.
We made a mess today
but so we do quite often.
It’s just the way you went
without a kiss or proper goodbye.
You rushed away
left me alone -
but I don’t know what to do
when you’re gone.
I found your toothbrush
in my cup.
And even if I know
it doesn’t mean a thing to you
it makes me happy
to see your stuff
lying all about my place.
Sure it looks like hell
in here
But it gives me a warming comfort
that you will return to me
that I will see you
yet again.

Probieren wir mal was Neues. Vor einiger Zeit habe ich mir die Mühe gemacht meine Handschrift zu digitalisieren. Das sieht dann wie folgt aus:

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Was würde Manfred Spitzer sagen?

Kurz erst mal worum es geht: Gestern, am 11.05.2009 hat eine 16-jährige im Albert-Einstein-Gymnasium in Sankt Augustin beinahe die Schule abgefackelt. Was mit viel Elan begann, endete glücklicherweise nur mit Körperverletzung. Das heißt natürlich glücklich, weil nicht mehr Personen zu Schaden gekommen sind – keinesfalls soll heruntergespielt werden, dass es auch ein Opfer gab.
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