I’m stronger than that, I don’t need you, and all I want is you to be happy. Focus. Talk to myself. Make myself believe it.
I wonder how naive you must be to believe that. Truth is: It hurts – deep down inside me.
What I hated most about that situation is that you made it look like it was my fault. Now I didn’t see it that way. After all it was you who suddenly showed me more affection then you used to show me. First it was just words but then you got physical. It wasn’t me who started that. I did want you as just a friend. However you gave me more than enough reason to believe there could have been more. My flesh was weak and breaking my resistance was piece of cake for you. You must have known that! After all I was desperate for love and closeness. You were so very lovely and you gave me what I yearned for so much – the feeling of acceptance and love by simply being who I was.
Finding out you used me to reassure yourself to find the courage and leave your boyfriend was the hardest part. And now you have the nerve to tell me that it’s not your fault that I fell for you.
You’ve got to be joking!
After all that was your intention from the beginning. Maybe not the part with me falling for you – that was a just calculated risk you took regardless to my feelings. You needed me for your selfish goals. I don’t get it. Did that really have to be? Did it really have to be me? Why is it always me who steps into such cheap traps? Don’t ever again dare to ask me why I avoid feelings so much. You just taught me again what price I have to pay for that.
You didn’t even have the guts to tell me that you were spoken for your other boy. You know there isn’t much that I can’t forgive but honesty is crucial in any kind of relationship – whether it is friendship or something else. Without honesty there is no trust and without trust there is no we.
You hurt me; you concealed important facts from me and gave me hope instead. Then you hurt me yet again. Now maybe you ask yourself how you could repent but let me tell you this: As long as you don’t regret, which I don’t believe you do, you can’t repent.
Whatever you did – I hold no grudge against you. You are so young and pitiful but more important I really do love you in some way – so you see I can’t be mad at you even though I sometimes wish I could. I just wished you had more time to spend with me, more time before you found your way back into love.
Time will tell where that love will lead to. I wish for you to be happy – even if that means to live a life without you – a life of solitude.

Dieser Eintrag wurde am Montag, den 25. Februar 2008 um 22:15 Uhr geschrieben und ist unter English eingeordnet. Du kannst alle Antworten zu diesem Eintrag über den RSS 2.0-Feed verfolgen. Du kannst zum Ende gehen und ein Kommentar hinterlassen. Pinging ist zur Zeit nicht erlaubt.