Behind my home is a quiet place
a moody, sometimes gloomy, space.
But there are also other times
that make up for when no sun shines
in the last hours of the evening
and the embrace of night time’s grieving.
In fact the scenery in the afternoon
when the last rays of light reveal the bloom
of the ones lost from my memory
it becomes a sight to see.
A weeping willow by the old house
shades the monuments like a loving spouse.
The other half is clad with ivy and such
but the withered dreams aren’t covered much.
Colors piercing through the undergrowth
fragile plants that covertly loath
the existence that they have become
instead of happy they feel numb.
The light shines through the mist
there’s a tomb for every one i’ve ever kissed.
For everything stone that lies
and each day i saw her eyes
born and descended from the sky
there is a gorgeous butterfly.
As mementos of the happy days
it’s easy to get lost just like in your gaze
and i wonder – would it be the same
if once more you’d call my name.
Would i turn around and feel the same
could you set my heart aflame?
Maybe i’m just chasing butterflies
trying to repair my broken ties.
Love is always slowly grown
but i should have known:
I’m unable to forget
the constant feeling of regret
and after a long time of study
i remember the sweetness of your body.
The thoughts go wild
hunting memories just like child
around the resting place inscribed with your name
while i’m sorry for what we became.
The weeping willow dances in the wind
the fading light of the day has thinned
to another dusk that covers well
a love story i wish i could tell.

When I first met you
I didn’t know what we’d become
I didn’t know who I would be
I had nothing to offer
nothing
but love.

When I got to know you
I learned to like your oddities
Your freckles and your moods
I expected nothing in return
nothing
but love.

When we were involved
I was happy and content
I had everything I ever sought
at least I thought that I had everything
everything
but love?

When we broke up it knocked me down
after all I would have given you
anything I had to give
so everything i gave
everything
but love.

This poem is four verses long. Each verse describes a feeling. Each verse is also a step on a one-way path. The verses can be summarized by what was, what is, rejection and what will be.

Opening my heart is difficult enough
showing what I feel is unadorned tough
For you I do this just once more
despite the abstinence I swore.
Accept my open arms or walk away
and what you choose I will obey.

You ask, why we should work this time
and declare that our interests don’t match.
Why make it sound like the break-up is my crime?
Why does it feel like the question is a catch?
It’s obvious we’re not the same
but it’s love that makes us tame.

Rejection is what you are offering
the words you say are like a poisoned string.
You imply your feelings have gone cold
or is it something that you’re told.
It doesn’t matter anymore
you’re locked up well behind that door.

I do remember when we first kissed
now it’s a corrupting memory I dread
so when I see you I’ll pretend you don’t exist
and when I miss you I’ll pretend that you are dead
because to acknowledge that we’re just apart
will break the stitches that stop the bleeding from my heart.

Nine universes are in parallel
that makes nine lives each
as far as I can tell.

In nine lives the chance that our paths would cross
nine times the opportunity for loss.

In eight lives we actually meet
but only in seven did we ever greet.

In six I was brave enough
to ask you out, but it was tough.

Only five times you agree to it
and five times the chance for us to split.

In four lives we were struggling
to stay as one in suffering.

Three times we did reconcile
and all was good just for a while.

In the second together we were sublime
we stayed together to the end of time.

But in this one, for reasons I don’t know
I made the mistake to let you go.

Walk with me in the silver glow
where the moon will shine and the shades will grow.
Stars like freckles on the night’s sky
lay down in the darkish green, let got – fly
Smell the cold, the icy air
this time is precious, this time is rare.
The grass is gently whispering
where crystals of frost are glistening.
As a courtesy or out of sympathy
time stands still for this symphony.
Still shadows rule the darkest night
they only need the faintest light.
Don’t be afraid of figures in the gray
as long as we’re together we’ll see another day.
Where you, Solanum, face your darkest hour
my roots will provide refuge and power.
Let there be an arctic storm
love will keep us safe and warm.
Walk beside me – for a moment, pretend to be just mine
feel the night’s electric shivers in your spine.
Try to protect this magic in a shell
but dawn will always break the spell.
This trail we walk is just a tiny part
on the path that meanders through the valley of my heart.

I am the lone wolf of the night
crying out for luna’s sympathy.
Forever asking why I have to be
the evil creature that will bite.

I walked among you for a while
doing so I felt quite juvenile.
But human life is temptation and desire
that’s the least what I require.

Emotions hurt like a gaping wound
at least that’s something that I found.
The injury was left untreated
and all my will was soon depleted.

My heart ached merely from seeing you
alone I did not know what I should do.
It’s an indescribable twist of mind
but I had to leave you far behind.

Now back to wolf I cannot speak
but being like that made me weak.
Love is nothing a wolf should undergo
it’s not even something a wolf should know.
Though there is something I’d never have reckoned
I would not want to have missed a single second.

And so I howl at the pale old moon
he’s my solace, bane and boon
You will always be my sun
I’d need wings but I have none.
To be with you is what I yearn
but I can only ever burn.

Electric clouds,
the air is crisp -
fleecy patchwork
in the sky.
Slipping secret -
rays of light,
stains of reds
in paling azure.
Frigid breeze
the slightest shivers
goose bumps
crawling up your scruff.
The frailest hide
stands on end
a lonely driblet
on your skin.
Rolling distant,
timbals sing.
Soon now,
soon.

The following is an interpretation of a song sung by Justin Vernon (with Bon Iver) called Flume. I feel that it is wrong to dissect a song and break it down until all the magic is gone. However what I will give is only an approximation of what the song says and means to me. A song or poem is already an interpretation of something larger, so all I can do is add bits here and there to help you understand what I see in this song. This interpretion is a poem / song itself. I recommend you listen to this amazingly beautiful song on youtube before you continue reading.

Now I have only my mother’s love left
That ought to be enough, is it?
I’m leaving my heart exposed
that’s why you can see (and understand) what I feel
(maybe not on purpose).

Only love can ever leave you completely empty
The weight of my tears keeps me from flying
what I need are perpetual roots
to ancher me, to provide shelter and warmth
in times I feel like I am drifting away.

Melancholy – looking back to old times
a picture of our whole family hanging on the wall,
me still inside my mother’s womb.
I am searching for something to hold on
but there is nothing left
at least not for me.

Only love can ever make you feel this bad
Searching for a place to rest
but afraid from being hurt again.
I’m not ready to be burned
in fear – unable to leave this safe and solitary place.

Only love can desert you like this
The weight of my tears keeps me from beeing free
what I want is something (as) static as the moon
to root me and provide shelter and warmth
in times I feel like loosing it.

My unforgetable, unforgiveable past
a dream that came true but went bad.
I’d give up everything
to get back what I lost that day.
In my head I’m trying to convince myself
you and me
imagining how it could be –
we have a chance -
for all we need is the love we share.
Though silently and every time anew
doubt sneaks in my thoughts.
The knowledge that it’s not enough
that love alone will not suffice
My dreams can tell me otherwise
but woven into my feelings for you
always present the failiors of the past
- lurking in the shadows.
Being with you is the one thing that
after all these years
I still yearn for
the same way I did
on the first day I met you.
The attraction between us is unbearable
but to be with you
is a desire I must never give into.
Although mutual the feelings may be
we have to stay apart
for I can’t be with you or I’ll crack.
The last time losing you made me so sad
it almost drove me mad.
So against all our hearts desire
I have to do the one sane thing
and keep us apart.
I only wish
- sometimes -
to be insane.

Let’s clarfy a couple things
so that you know how much this stings:
Technically we were broken up at the time
so being unfaithful is not the crime.
But what is hurting really deep
you give me the feeling of being cheap.
He’s a bragger and an ass
he lacks style, he has no class.
I can cope with any of the latter
that he’s the sum of all makes nothing better.
I do not understand what you see in him
actually I think he’s dim.
How could you use him as a substitute for me
if I’m a graduate then he’s in first degree.
Do you have no self-esteem?
is that part of your self-realization dream?
I wouldn’t mind had you fucked up
with any other than that walrus pup.
You make me feel like I am trash
like some sort of diaper rash.
Why would you do that to yourself – to me?
it’s just wrong – that’s a guarantee.
I’m telling you: Don’t worry any more
You need not choose between me and that bore.
I heard it in your own voice -
you already made that choice.
Don’t be scared of loosing me again
I ain’t trap myself back in your chain.
Save your tears because they’re wasted
I’m just giving back the medicine I tasted.