I am not an atheist. Thus I will not deny the existence of a god or, if you so chose, many gods.
But what is god anyway? For me god is the reason behind the reason.

In nature everything works according to rules that are defined by the structure of the universe, the beeing and the matter itself. We have discovered some of these rules like gravity, magnetism etc. From these rules we created formulas to predict something before it actually happens. We call this science and it helped putting rockets into space and (if you are a believer) a man on the moon. However we forget that although we can partly understand these rules there is no rule that says these rules must exist. There is no rule forcing matter or energy to exist. Instead of existing we, everything, could simply not exist – there is no rule preventing that. So there is a reason behind every understandable reason we already know – a reason that we do not understand and probably never will. Why was there a big bang? Why was there energy or matter? There is simply no reason for that, except if someone or something “thought” otherwise. From our point of view this beeing is reason for everything. This beeing is commonly called god and god is what we do not understand.

We might not have a predefined purpose but we have reason; simply because we exist. But that god or reason might not be what we think it is. It might not be something on the outside looking in – it might not be anything at all. God might not be some entity watching us, guiding us or have any form of influence at all. Maybe god (the reason) is the structure, the matter, the energy – everything. Maybe we are part of the reason – a part of god.

Let’s clarfy a couple things
so that you know how much this stings:
Technically we were broken up at the time
so being unfaithful is not the crime.
But what is hurting really deep
you give me the feeling of being cheap.
He’s a bragger and an ass
he lacks style, he has no class.
I can cope with any of the latter
that he’s the sum of all makes nothing better.
I do not understand what you see in him
actually I think he’s dim.
How could you use him as a substitute for me
if I’m a graduate then he’s in first degree.
Do you have no self-esteem?
is that part of your self-realization dream?
I wouldn’t mind had you fucked up
with any other than that walrus pup.
You make me feel like I am trash
like some sort of diaper rash.
Why would you do that to yourself – to me?
it’s just wrong – that’s a guarantee.
I’m telling you: Don’t worry any more
You need not choose between me and that bore.
I heard it in your own voice -
you already made that choice.
Don’t be scared of loosing me again
I ain’t trap myself back in your chain.
Save your tears because they’re wasted
I’m just giving back the medicine I tasted.

It’s by far not always pleasure,
but how could it be?
If it was –
you wouldn’t know
because the world ‘d be a bore
and unified.
Live can be fun and crushing
sometimes it can be both
in one.
The bad times seem to outweigh
the good days that you spent.
It’s an perspective even more attractive
when you’ve reached the end
of the fall you thought wasn’t ending.
At this point you might get the weird idea
that quitting live is an alternative,
but you should answer to yourself:
What’s the point in quitting early
and what a selfish act to do
what about the ones who need you now
what about the ones who will?
You do not know what waits
for you in the afterlife
though you will find out
soon enough.
You will miss out on the good parts
that live still has to offer you
and you do not know that all be’ll bad
you just think that where you’re now.
You should find that nucleus of strength
that lies hidden deep inside you.
You must not give up on this journey
be strong and let friends help you
as friends will emerge
once you’ll get better.
Find the courage to go out
become one of the brave ones
who are not afraid to face the world.
Be an isotope of hope
for you,
for them,
for everyone.

“A random act of kindness is a selfless act performed by a person or persons wishing to either assist or cheer up an individual.” [Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/]

Living in a selfish world
it’s every tiny deed that counts.
If the flap of a butterfly’s wing
causes a thunderstorm somewhere else
can’t a smile in the right place and time
achieve extraordinary joy?
Help someone walk across the street
listen to some stranger’s tale
Take your time, show patience -
be what you want them to be.
Kindness is not just a word
it’s an objective to aspire to.
Should the circumstances arise
at any time then don’t be shy
be the one to make the difference,
be the person that this world needs!

I can’t speak a word with you
because I know you see right through.
That is why for some assistance
this poem is brought into existence.

The lines I am trying to compose
could never even get quite close.
And with every word that’s being add
what is written sounds like someone’s mad.

It’s the hardest topic to address
My devotion to you is so hard to express.
The pile of verses in my head -
anything that could be said,
I could write a whole essay
which would only push you further away.
(weiterlesen …)

Sleepworking at night
There is never enough time
Tick tack, tick tack
Another day passed by.
There is no pause
Just a different state of mind.
The brain keeps going
Actively restless
All the energy gets lost
The little time we have
We lose
To all the minor things.
So sleep well
You mindless drone.
Work in dream
And dream of work.
Wake up
Just to continue
Awake.

Thoughts are flowing through our minds
on a daily basis we encounter problems.
All that troubles us in manifold shapes
is crushing our will to live and strive for more.
Yet we fail to see how unimportant we are
how unimportant all we do really is.
We are but a spark in an endless universe
our existence barely a smudge in time.
Here we’re drowning ourselves in depression
for what we yearn for is what we’ll never have.
You are simply not important,
your life has no effect on the vastness around.
You are a dying shadow, a mote of dust.
There is nothing you could ever do
that would make an actual difference.
Don’t even try to be something
because you simply aren’t.
Face the fact that your death
wouldn’t even ripple in the sea of time.
Death would be an alternative
to the futile life you live -
Though a boring one
I assume.

You can see it from the corner of the eye
the world is fractal – it lies in pieces.
Wrong overlaps the right
it’s broken and there is no one there to fix it.
Shattered bits in an endless continuum
an existence on the border of decay
entropy will claim what’s left.
Losing it in this twisted place
who can blame you -
when the structure of space itself
is smashed and minced to particles.
The universe is upside down
you’re only falling –
falling through space and time
barely touching anything.
Your existence has no effect
on the chaos all around.
Should we not cluster
and bring order to this mayhem?
As mass we will gain velocity
but also we’ll become inert.

After all these years
I have not forgotten -
and how could I
when I hear this song
it drags me back in time to you
a time in my memory that’s rotten.
I’d like to share what I feel with you
I want to share how little it hurts me anymore
If you could understand that this flame
has long lost its heat at the core
I know you want to know what’s up
and I like to tell you -
but I can’t do that.
I want to make you see it for yourself
but I know it’s impossible without a real chat.
You think what I do is because I feel for you
but the truth is that it’s nothing special
and if they’d ask I’d do it for any who.
I hope this doesn’t tear your soul asunder
instead I hope in your heart you feel this thunder
telling you what I can’t seem to tell you right:
If you still want me
you have to fight.

As many of us do at some point of their lives I recently thought about why we die. I will not argue that human death is caused by the deterioration of the cells in our bodies. However you might want to ask yourself why cells behave this way. There is just no logic behind this. If the human body can grow to its full size then it should be capable of reproducing healthy cells when the height of growth is reached. The facts that we get old and die are proof that there must be a reason. Although not scientific, this is my poetic way of saying we have to die sooner or later:

Born as giants
stuffed with soul and heart.
Every day alive
tears it apart.
If you put your heart and love
into some things that you do
you lose tiny bits of soul
even if the rewards seem few.
Although souls regrow over time
never reach their former magnitude
which leads one to conclude:
Souls are fading over time
but all the tiny bits we give
are moments we like to relive.
They bring happiness to -
and all around us.
Though we can’t live
without our souls and thus,
leave the world
as empty shells -
just a bunch of body cells.
Given every bit away
but – believe me –
it’s okay!

(The title can be seen as a tribute to Supertramp)